Words From a Working Mom Letting Go of the Guilt

single working mom guilt - letting go of mom guilt

Mommy guilt is real; it’s universal, even if mothers opt not to talk about it. Sometimes, listening to other mothers open up about their struggles makes you realize you aren’t alone; you’re trying your hardest, and you can let go of the mom guilt!

Being a working mother and a working single parent with my oldest son instilled in me a sense of determination that drove my business to success.

I work. I have always worked and love working almost as much as being a parent. As a single working mother with my oldest son, I missed school events; I wasn’t there for school or sports drop-offs or pickup, and when I was present, I was guilty of spending time on my Blackberry.

Wow!! What a blast from the past—the Blackberry! Yes, 21 years ago, we were glued to a Blackberry, a clunky phone with a tinny keyboard and no functionality. Why am I bringing up the Blackberry? Recently, my 21-year-old told me, “Mom, all you did was work and nap, and that was a product of your lifestyle.”  

Wow, being a working mother is a lifestyle. I guess we could call it a lifestyle—some have this life by choice, and others as an obligation. But when does the working mom guilt begin, and when do you let go and say it was okay?

Letting go of the working mom guilt is realizing that work will be fine on the days you need to mother more, and your kids will be fine on the days you need to work more!

I thought I was in the clear until my well-behaved, highly accomplished son told me I was never there to play. The Blackberry was a blast from the past, but this was a blow that hit so hard that I am reliving a harsher feeling than guilt.

What is this feeling? I can’t describe it. It hurts; it is a gut-wrenching pain that has left me confused and hurting him. I ache because out of everything we went through, this is what he remembers. The question is, will this carry on with him and affect his adult life? Is he too young to know what being a parent truly is? Or is he holding me up to a double standard? Even as a single parent, why is it the mother’s job to be there?

Or better yet, why is he focused on the times I wasn’t?  What about our date nights? Our Disney trips or trips to Target? I won’t even mention Paris trips because that was me sharing my love of the city with him.

I loved my work and thought it was okay to go after my dreams and not be apologetic about it. It was for “us,” I told him. I was determined to succeed. The option not to never crossed my mind. To me, balance was a myth. I woke up every morning committed to my life and all I was responsible for without beating myself up.

Some days, I was the best CEO and sometimes the best mommy. Every once in a blue moon, I was both, but always with a smile and a fabulous pair of shoes.

Letting go of the working mom guilt is realizing that work will be fine on the days you need to mother more, and your kids will be fine on the days you need to work more!

Words by Janet Morais | Founder & CEO of Love Happens Mag & KOKET


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