But the\nquestion is, what if love is not always just love?<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nThe term limerence <\/strong>was introduced to the world by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s and appeared in her 1979 book, Love and Limerence<\/em>. While investigating love, she discovered that there was an obsessive longing for a romantic object that many people she interviewed mentioned, but that was as of yet undefined. Tennov defines limerence as, \u201can interaction between the feelings of one person and the actions of another. It appears to occur across sexual, racial, age, cultural, and other categories of humans and it endures as long as do the conditions that sustain it. When intense, it crowds other motives out of the psyche.\u201d[1]<\/a><\/sup><\/p>\n\n\n\nNot every person will experience a state of limerence in their lives, but many will. A person who is experiencing it may be wholly absorbed by the object of their attention and unable to focus on other things. It could cause them to focus so intently on this object that it makes the other person feel uncomfortable, and in cases where it is unrequited, rejection could prove immensely painful for the person experiencing the limerence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n
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\n\n\n\n\n\nLimerent\nmanifestations in modern Life<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nPsychologist Dr. Caroline Baltzer, a lecturer\nat Harvard Medical School, says that in her psychological practice she sees\npatients with limerence experiencing, \u201cobsessive preoccupation with a love\nobject.\u201d She says that the person who develops limerent feelings has an \u201cexcess\nof attachment energy that goes toward the limerent object. And that person may\nor may not know that they are the recipient of this person\u2019s limerence.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In other words: the object of limerence may be completely unaware of the fantasies imagined by the person focused on them, while the one experiencing limerence becomes increasingly frustrated by the strength of the connection that is much stronger, if not wholly, on their side. <\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\nCan you\nbe in love with someone when you have projected onto them and do not truly know\nthem?<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n\u201cThere is this tension that builds because the needs are there but the limerent object doesn’t know that they are this significant person. So they can\u2019t meet the needs and it’s inappropriate for them to do so because they\u2019re not in any kind of contractual relationship,\u201d says Caroline. Limerence can occur between a teacher and student, between friends, between colleagues, or even between practical strangers. Very often, people who experience limerent feelings have unmet childhood needs that they project onto their love object. Caroline treats patients suffering from limerence with attachment therapy<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n\nUnderstanding Your Attachment Style: A Secret Key to Happiness<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n\nLet\u2019s look at an example where unmet needs cause a woman to find a limerent love object that she hopes will fulfill her<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nJulia is a college student who has a professor she feels very connected to. Even though he is married and no boundaries are physically crossed, her attraction to him overpowers her daily life. She is nervous before class as she imagines gazing into his eyes. You can be sure she does all of her homework early and checks it twice because she wants him to notice what a good student she is. She does not date any students that semester, because she is only interested in her professor. While nothing happens between them, it takes her a year to want to be interested in anyone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fortunately for Julia, she has a professor who\ndoes not try to take advantage of the situation and of her feelings of\nlimerence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"woman](\"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/davidcohen-unsplash-sepia-1024x810.jpg\")
<\/a>Photo by David Cohen \/ Unsplash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\nLimerence is not in itself bad, but it can cause people to act in obsessive ways that disturb other parts of their lives and affect their choices. When unrequited, the build-up of needs and expectations from fantasies can be painful and lead to great sorrow. Next time your friend Julia starts to experience limerence for her professor, or for a friend, or anyone else, be sure to give her Dorothy Tennov\u2019s book and encourage her to look at what unmet needs she may be projecting. The person she thinks she loves may be in the end only imagined in limerence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n
Words by Caitlin Arnould<\/a>, host of <\/em>Beauty Is Eternal podcast<\/em><\/a> <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
Not every person will experience a state of limerence in their lives, but many will. A person who is experiencing it may be wholly absorbed by the object of their attention and unable to focus on other things. It could cause them to focus so intently on this object that it makes the other person feel uncomfortable, and in cases where it is unrequited, rejection could prove immensely painful for the person experiencing the limerence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n\n
Limerent\nmanifestations in modern Life<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nPsychologist Dr. Caroline Baltzer, a lecturer\nat Harvard Medical School, says that in her psychological practice she sees\npatients with limerence experiencing, \u201cobsessive preoccupation with a love\nobject.\u201d She says that the person who develops limerent feelings has an \u201cexcess\nof attachment energy that goes toward the limerent object. And that person may\nor may not know that they are the recipient of this person\u2019s limerence.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In other words: the object of limerence may be completely unaware of the fantasies imagined by the person focused on them, while the one experiencing limerence becomes increasingly frustrated by the strength of the connection that is much stronger, if not wholly, on their side. <\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\nCan you\nbe in love with someone when you have projected onto them and do not truly know\nthem?<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n\u201cThere is this tension that builds because the needs are there but the limerent object doesn’t know that they are this significant person. So they can\u2019t meet the needs and it’s inappropriate for them to do so because they\u2019re not in any kind of contractual relationship,\u201d says Caroline. Limerence can occur between a teacher and student, between friends, between colleagues, or even between practical strangers. Very often, people who experience limerent feelings have unmet childhood needs that they project onto their love object. Caroline treats patients suffering from limerence with attachment therapy<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n\nUnderstanding Your Attachment Style: A Secret Key to Happiness<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n\n\n\n\n\nLet\u2019s look at an example where unmet needs cause a woman to find a limerent love object that she hopes will fulfill her<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nJulia is a college student who has a professor she feels very connected to. Even though he is married and no boundaries are physically crossed, her attraction to him overpowers her daily life. She is nervous before class as she imagines gazing into his eyes. You can be sure she does all of her homework early and checks it twice because she wants him to notice what a good student she is. She does not date any students that semester, because she is only interested in her professor. While nothing happens between them, it takes her a year to want to be interested in anyone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fortunately for Julia, she has a professor who\ndoes not try to take advantage of the situation and of her feelings of\nlimerence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/a>Photo by David Cohen \/ Unsplash<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\nLimerence is not in itself bad, but it can cause people to act in obsessive ways that disturb other parts of their lives and affect their choices. When unrequited, the build-up of needs and expectations from fantasies can be painful and lead to great sorrow. Next time your friend Julia starts to experience limerence for her professor, or for a friend, or anyone else, be sure to give her Dorothy Tennov\u2019s book and encourage her to look at what unmet needs she may be projecting. The person she thinks she loves may be in the end only imagined in limerence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n
Words by Caitlin Arnould<\/a>, host of <\/em>Beauty Is Eternal podcast<\/em><\/a> <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
In other words: the object of limerence may be completely unaware of the fantasies imagined by the person focused on them, while the one experiencing limerence becomes increasingly frustrated by the strength of the connection that is much stronger, if not wholly, on their side. <\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n \u201cThere is this tension that builds because the needs are there but the limerent object doesn’t know that they are this significant person. So they can\u2019t meet the needs and it’s inappropriate for them to do so because they\u2019re not in any kind of contractual relationship,\u201d says Caroline. Limerence can occur between a teacher and student, between friends, between colleagues, or even between practical strangers. Very often, people who experience limerent feelings have unmet childhood needs that they project onto their love object. Caroline treats patients suffering from limerence with attachment therapy<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n Understanding Your Attachment Style: A Secret Key to Happiness<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n Julia is a college student who has a professor she feels very connected to. Even though he is married and no boundaries are physically crossed, her attraction to him overpowers her daily life. She is nervous before class as she imagines gazing into his eyes. You can be sure she does all of her homework early and checks it twice because she wants him to notice what a good student she is. She does not date any students that semester, because she is only interested in her professor. While nothing happens between them, it takes her a year to want to be interested in anyone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fortunately for Julia, she has a professor who\ndoes not try to take advantage of the situation and of her feelings of\nlimerence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Limerence is not in itself bad, but it can cause people to act in obsessive ways that disturb other parts of their lives and affect their choices. When unrequited, the build-up of needs and expectations from fantasies can be painful and lead to great sorrow. Next time your friend Julia starts to experience limerence for her professor, or for a friend, or anyone else, be sure to give her Dorothy Tennov\u2019s book and encourage her to look at what unmet needs she may be projecting. The person she thinks she loves may be in the end only imagined in limerence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n Words by Caitlin Arnould<\/a>, host of <\/em>Beauty Is Eternal podcast<\/em><\/a> <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\nCan you\nbe in love with someone when you have projected onto them and do not truly know\nthem?<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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\n\n\n\n\n\nLet\u2019s look at an example where unmet needs cause a woman to find a limerent love object that she hopes will fulfill her<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
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