{"id":56548,"date":"2021-07-26T03:37:39","date_gmt":"2021-07-26T03:37:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/?p=56548"},"modified":"2021-09-06T16:54:57","modified_gmt":"2021-09-06T16:54:57","slug":"the-people-who-sabotage-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/2021\/07\/26\/the-people-who-sabotage-love\/","title":{"rendered":"The People Who Sabotage Love"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><em><strong>Do You Have High Standards, or Are You Too Picky?<\/strong><\/em><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There have never been more ways to find a mate\u2014or a soulmate\u2014than there are today. But then, why are so many still single? It was estimated that there were almost 35 million single-person households in the United States in 2019\u2014a figure that\u2019s been steadily rising since the 1960s\u2014while there were a reported 62 million married couples in the U.S. in 2020. In Japan, the government-run <em>National Institute of\u00a0Population\u00a0and Social Security Research<\/em> estimates that \u201cone-person households will total 39 percent by 2040&#8243;. However you slice them, these numbers aren\u2019t encouraging for a person looking for love. In short, the number of single people around the world is larger than you might think and appears to be growing yearly. Why? Could it really be that people self-sabotage love? Or it is all about holding standards too high? Or, if you are into someone but the fear of rejection is the main issue to hold you back then you can visit this site to learn more about <a href=\"https:\/\/www.juliettekristine.com\/blog\/manifesting-a-specific-person\">Manifesting a specific person<\/a> to like\/love you back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-people-who-self-sabotage-love\"><strong><em>The People Who Self-Sabotage Love<\/em><\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We live in a world with a plethora of dating sites and apps. There\u2019s almost literally something for everyone: straight, gay, religious, looking within a certain ethnic group\u2014you name it, it exists. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.top10.com\/dating\/reviews\/okcupidcom\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">You can read more about OK Cupid in this link<\/a>; it\u2019s fascinating to learn about how they find matches using complicated algorithms to match compatible people \u2014 across all types of relationships. The system\u2019s high-tech math whittles down possibilities based on shared preferences\u2026 to a point where it\u2019s almost spooky. And still, we all know a person\u2014or people\u2014who say they are looking, but can\u2019t seem to find \u201cthe one\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Perhaps the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ted.com\/talks\/barry_schwartz_the_paradox_of_choice?language=en\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">paradox of choice<\/a> plays a role now. Back in the pre-digital days, if you met someone who got to 75 percent of what you were looking for, you might consider yourself lucky and dive into a long-term relationship. Knowing that there are tens of thousands\u2014even millions\u2014of potential \u201cperfect\u201d matches may be working against us. As the adage goes, \u201cPerfect is the enemy of good&#8221;.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But when there is so much choice, why not be picky? Why should anyone \u201csettle?\u201d Being single isn\u2019t some curse; in fact, some prefer it. Why fault anyone for having \u201chigh standards\u201d? Agreed. You <em>don\u2019t<\/em> have to settle and you <em>do<\/em> have the right to adhere to high standards. The question some should be asking themselves, however, is \u201cAm I sabotaging my own happiness?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-full is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/self-sabotaging-love-edited.jpg\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/self-sabotaging-love-edited.jpg\" alt=\"unhappy couple people who self sabotage love\" class=\"wp-image-56551\" width=\"710\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/self-sabotaging-love-edited.jpg 977w, https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/self-sabotaging-love-edited-300x188.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/07\/self-sabotaging-love-edited-768x480.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 977px) 100vw, 977px\" \/><\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>High Standards<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">There are some extremely picky daters out there. Heard of \u201cThe League\u201d? Yes, it\u2019s as posh as it sounds. Described as \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/technology\/2015\/aug\/08\/dating-apps-the-league-luxy\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Tinder for elites<\/a>,\u201d one\u2019s education and professional work history are huge determinators for whether or not you get to join the club. Applicants are screened thoroughly and only the \u201ccream of the crop\u201d get a coveted email informing them, \u201cCongratulations! You\u2019ve been drafted into The League\u201d. If that\u2019s the kind of relationship you want, well, go ahead and apply. But perhaps it\u2019s a tad shallow to think that only a person with pieces of paper from fancy schools and a glowing CV could be someone you could fall in love with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.bykoket.com\/guilty-pleasures\/upholstery\/deliciosa-bar-stool.php?utm_source=LH_Blog_Article&amp;utm_medium=banner&amp;utm_campaign=Banner_Article&amp;utm_content=deliciosa_bar_stool\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/ext-campaign\/article\/kk-deliciosa-bar-stool-750.jpg\" alt=\"deliciosa bar stools koket luxury furniture home decor gold bronze animal skin\" width=\"710\"\/><\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Extreme Pickiness<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Some psychologists believe extreme pickiness in dating is a defense mechanism. The person has an underlying fear of a genuine long-term romantic relationship. They fear getting hurt, perhaps again. People who suffer from such fears don\u2019t fall into the category of those with high standards. Instead, they put serious effort into finding even the smallest faults with a possible partner. It\u2019s a self-sabotaging cycle that doesn\u2019t provide the protective shield the person seeks, but rather adds fuel to fears and results in rejecting what could have developed into a loving relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Self-Saboteur or Refined Taste?<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">How can one know if they\u2019re a self-saboteur\u2026 or simply a person with highly refined tastes? There are a few signs to look for. Let\u2019s start with the basics: If you can\u2019t articulate why the person isn\u2019t right for you, you may be the problem. It should be pretty easy. \u201cI\u2019m an easy-going person and they are too high-strung,\u201d etc. If your answer too often is, \u201cUmm\u2026I can\u2019t put my finger on it, but there\u2019s just <em>something<\/em> off,\u201d consider re-assessing your priorities and desires.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Secondly, have you <em>never<\/em> been in a long-term relationship? That might be normal for a 25-year-old, but a mature adult generally has had relationships. If you\u2019ve never taken the plunge\u2014maybe you\u2019re living in fear; which is both sad and frankly, silly. \u201cLife is a gift\u2014You only live once\u201d sound like cheesy slogans to some, but there\u2019s more than a kernel of truth there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Third, do you actually believe that there is one perfect person out there, just waiting to be discovered? Perhaps you watched too many rom-coms, but deep down you know it\u2019s true: no one is perfect, or for that matter, even close to perfect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>We grow with and into a partner; the struggles, the fights, and the times\u2014both good and bad\u2014lead to an <a href=\"https:\/\/www.unimedliving.com\/relationships\/building-relationships\/evolving-relationships\/relationships-are-always-about-evolving-the-key-to-making-relationships-work.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">evolution that becomes a healthy relationship<\/a>. No, you shouldn\u2019t go into it thinking you\u2019ll be able to change them or yourself, but you will be changed by life and love. People who are too afraid of evolving live lives of stagnation. Keep your standards high, but don\u2019t wall up your heart and self-sabotage love.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"has-text-align-center has-vivid-purple-color has-text-color wp-block-heading\"><strong><em>More to Love:<\/em><\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-paragraph\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/2021\/03\/15\/11-relationship-goals-for-all-couples\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">11 Relationship Goals for People to Level Up Their Love Life<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do You Have High Standards, or Are You Too Picky? There have never been more ways to find a mate\u2014or&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":56552,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[31,6932],"tags":[8,3442,3444,7309],"class_list":["post-56548","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-lifestyle","category-mind-body","tag-happy","tag-love","tag-love-happens","tag-romance"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.6 (Yoast SEO v27.6) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>The People Who Self-Sabotage Love - Love Happens Mag<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"There are more single people today than ever despite all the ways to find love! Why? Is it high standards? 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