{"id":87512,"date":"2023-07-10T18:01:19","date_gmt":"2023-07-10T18:01:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/?p=87512"},"modified":"2025-10-14T03:11:42","modified_gmt":"2025-10-14T03:11:42","slug":"how-i-realized-that-self-love-isnt-selfish","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/2023\/07\/10\/how-i-realized-that-self-love-isnt-selfish\/","title":{"rendered":"How I Realized That Self-love Isn\u2019t Selfish"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div style=\"height:20px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8220;&#8216;Love yourself&#8217; is a famous phrase we hear a lot. It is not a new idea. And yet, explanations of self-love seem a bit primitive and almost superficial\u2014take time for yourself, care about yourself, get a massage. These are all great things to do, but do these reach the depth of meaning that our soul truly craves? Are you reaching the level of depth required for self-love, or only looking at the surface?&#8221; asks Kristina M\u00e4nd-Lakhiani.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-wide\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Read on and be empowered by Kristina M\u00e4nd-Lakhiani, author of the new 2023 book <a href=\"https:\/\/spi021.isrefer.com\/go\/23bf-preorder\/mindvalley\/interviews\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Becoming Flawesome<\/a>, as she shares her journey from being on top of a personal growth empire like Mindvalley to stepping aside, conscious uncoupling from her husband, and walking her path towards being more honest with herself through her realization that self-love isn&#8217;t in fact selfish.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-wide\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-the-journey-to-self-love-starts-with-honesty\"><strong>The journey to self-love starts with honesty.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>I had to take a long, hard look at my picture-perfect life. I have two adorable children. And I am the co-founder of the leading personal growth platform in the world, Mindvalley, which transforms hundreds of thousands of lives through the programs we deliver. My husband, Vishen Lakhiani, is an international speaker and best-selling author. I spend my days doing what I love and traveling the world, teaching people about happiness. On the outside, I am a successful wife, mother, and entrepreneur. However, inside, things didn\u2019t make sense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I was often introduced as Vishen\u2019s wife, which started to bother me. It was not a complete picture of who I am. I also felt guilty because I should be proud of my husband. In another instance, I\u2019d go on a business trip and enjoy myself so much that I\u2019d forget to call my children. Does this make me a bad mother or wife? Does this match who I really am? Are these thoughts and feelings even inappropriate?&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The only place I felt I could be myself and break down was behind the closed door of my bathroom: asking myself who am I and what does it mean to truly love myself? I had to muster the courage to go into the attic and the basement, closets and dark corners of the rooms of my self, the parts that I didn\u2019t want to see.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"height:30px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"aligncenter size-full is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.bykoket.com\/guilty-pleasures\/lighting\/muse-sconce.php?utm_source=LH_Blog_article&amp;utm_medium=banner&amp;utm_campaign=Banner_Article&amp;utm_content=muse_sconce\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"750\" height=\"130\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/kk-muse-sconce-750.jpg\" alt=\"muse sconce koket\" class=\"wp-image-67217\" style=\"width:500px\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/kk-muse-sconce-750.jpg 750w, https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/04\/kk-muse-sconce-750-300x52.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px\" \/><\/a><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<div style=\"height:5px\" aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-spacer\"><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Acceptance.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>I knew I had to make a change. But what was going to happen to the people that I love? I believed that my decisions would stress them or cause them pain. We never want to hurt those that we love.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The next step in my journey was acceptance. In our culture, there\u2019s a lot of pressure to always be fixing things and to be the best versions of ourselves. Simple embodied rituals support that acceptance; a calming <a href=\"https:\/\/chiroboca.com\/massage-therapy\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">massage in Boca Raton, FL<\/a> can help you reconnect with your body and release tension. However, we cannot begin to change anything if we don\u2019t first accept who we are, the imperfect version of ourselves. It\u2019s not easy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I had to accept the parts that I liked about myself and the ugly sides, the darkness. I had to accept what would happen when I made the changes I needed to make. And so, I began to disassemble the life I had built.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Once I fully acknowledged that I\u2019m not the perfect version of myself that I thought was, something beautiful happened.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>Truly loving yourself is the ability to wholeheartedly stand for what is important to you and what you value&#8230;.&nbsp;Taking action on those values is not being selfish, but rather being fully expressed and a complete version of who you really are.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-gratitude\"><strong>Gratitude.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Who I am is thanks to all the quirkiness, the darkness, the bizarre sides. It\u2019s the full shape and form of all parts of me, not just the beautiful and external facade. I had to come to peace with who and what I am. Only then can true self-love occur.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The fact is that no one was affected by the changes that I made to my life. People were emotionally involved in my journey, but their lives had not changed. Whatever reaction they had to my life changes is really a part of their journey, not mine, which I also had to accept.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Truly loving yourself is the ability to wholeheartedly stand for what is important to you and what you value. It\u2019s knowing and accepting who you are\u2014all parts of you, the good and the dark.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Taking action on those values is not being selfish, but rather being fully expressed and a complete version of who you really are. Selfish acts only come from a lack of self-love, a need to fill a hole in your heart from not upholding your values and what\u2019s important.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p>We are human and imperfect on this journey of life. In order to maintain happiness, we must also look at the darkest corners of ourselves, love and embrace them, and step forward with courage to be who we truly are. This is self-love.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-about-kristina-mand-lakhiani\"><strong>About Kristina M\u00e4nd-Lakhiani<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-wide\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p>Kristina M\u00e4nd-Lakhiani is a transformational leader, happiness advocate, and co-founder of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mindvalley.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Mindvalley<\/a>, one of the leading personal development platforms in the world. She is also a conscious parent of two adorable children. When she isn\u2019t teaching about happiness, growth, and transformation, she plays the harp and is a lover of classical music and literature.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>On July 10, 2023, Kristina launched her book <em>Becoming Flawesome<\/em>. Get your limited-time FREE copy <a href=\"https:\/\/kristinamand.com\/flawesome\/?cookieUUID=4b8aff55-2a53-48f2-8e6d-3d38882a3ceb\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">here<\/a>!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-full\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"710\" height=\"472\" src=\"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/MindValley-Live-2023-Dubai-Photo-by-Karen-Harms.jpg\" alt=\"Kristina M\u00e4nd-Lakhiani author becoming flawesome self-love isn't selfish\" class=\"wp-image-87695\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/MindValley-Live-2023-Dubai-Photo-by-Karen-Harms.jpg 710w, https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/07\/MindValley-Live-2023-Dubai-Photo-by-Karen-Harms-300x199.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 710px) 100vw, 710px\" \/><figcaption class=\"wp-element-caption\"><em>Kristina M\u00e4nd-Lakhiani with her book &#8216;Becoming Flawesome&#8217; (Photo by Karen Harms)<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>Dive into Kristinas&#8217; life journey and share your thoughts using the hashtag #BecomingFlawesome on Instagram <a href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/kristinamand\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">@kristinamand<\/a> or online at <a href=\"https:\/\/www.kristinamand.com\/\">kristinamand.com<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong><em>And always remember, self-love isn&#8217;t selfish!<\/em><\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-wide\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading has-vivid-purple-color has-text-color\" id=\"h-more-to-love\"><strong><em>More to Love!<\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/2023\/05\/09\/an-lhm-exclusive-interview-with-isabela-grutman\/\">An LHM Exclusive Interview With Jewelry Designer Isabela Grutman<\/a><br><a href=\"https:\/\/www.lovehappensmag.com\/blog\/2023\/06\/08\/tea-time-with-chiara-bedini-of-babingtons-blends\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">Tea Time with Chiara Bedini of Babington Blends<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity is-style-wide\"\/>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;&#8216;Love yourself&#8217; is a famous phrase we hear a lot. It is not a new idea. And yet, explanations of&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1256,"featured_media":87546,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6938,6932,40],"tags":[7904,8326,8327,4948],"class_list":["post-87512","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-be-empowered","category-mind-body","category-women-empowerment","tag-gratitude","tag-kristina-mand-lakhiani","tag-profile","tag-self-love"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v27.4 (Yoast SEO v27.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-premium-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How I Realized That Self-love Isn\u2019t Selfish | Love Happens Mag<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Be empowered by Kristina M\u00e4nd-Lakhiani, author of new book &#039;Becoming Flawesome&#039;, as she shares how she realized self-love isn&#039;t selfish!\" \/>\n<meta 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