Ask Lh: Why Won’t My Boyfriend Propose?
Question: Why won’t my boyfriend propose? We have been dating for a long time!
Answer: How long has it been exactly? Has it been six months, a year, several years? Does your boyfriend perceive it as a long time? Although the length of time is a valid factor in evaluating the depth of the relationship, it is not necessarily synonymous with substantiality. Consider the ideas below!
Why Won’t My Boyfriend Propose?
I’m assuming that you and your boyfriend have discussed marriage at some point. What was his response? Did he shy away from the question, change the subject, or give a direct response? If you haven’t discussed marriage, why not? It is a perfectly legitimate question and/or discussion to assess the nature of a maturing relationship and where it is going. If he never gives you a direct answer, let your woman intuition kick in. Watch his actions closer than his words. Maybe he told you that he simply wasn’t ready. Try to pinpoint the specifics without being combative; don’t settle for vague answers.
It’s no secret that many are apprehensive about getting married. It is a level of commitment with expectation of finality. And it’s value and relevance has changed and transformed throughout the years. Men and women don’t always see marriage through the same lens. While women may equate marriage to the pinnacle of love, faithfulness, and loyalty; men may view it as a higher level of responsibility and potential financial loss. In fact, some men may feel reluctant to marry because of not seeing any additional benefits outside of cohabitation.
So, how do you both get what you want? Well, we know we can’t force anyone to propose anymore than we can force them to let the seat down. But we CAN influence the decision by making some changes. Remove the benefits. I know it’s old school, and probably not culturally sound but he needs to know that the ring comes with the benefits. Ultimately, what he chooses to do from that point will determine how much he values you and the relationship. Keep in mind that this can’t be a super quick turnover. You need to be consistent for a significant amount of time where he knows that you are serious.
Unfortunately, love is not always the reason why people maintain romantic relationships. There are financial reasons, co-dependency, insecurities, children, etc. While communication is necessary to better understand your partner, you must also evaluate the relationship for yourself. Be proactive, ask yourself questions, and be willing to answer them honestly. Do I want to continue to invest in this relationship? Am I content or settling? If I never receive a proposal am, I willing to stay in this relationship?
There are two parties in a romantic relationship, which means your voice carries just as much weight. Don’t let anyone else determine the outcome of your life. Relationships are filled with compromises, but you determine what your deal breakers are. Remember that you teach your partner how to treat you. If you don’t value yourself, you could be easily susceptible to manipulation. Stop wondering why your boyfriend won’t propose and don’t allow yourself to be strung along without any anticipation of clear concrete goals in sight. In the great words of Beyonce, “If you like it, then you shoulda put on a ring on it.”
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