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Why So Demure?
If you’ve spent any time on social media in the last month, the words “demure” and “mindful” have been circling your dizzy head like little birds. But what Looney-Toons-style anvil spawned these mysterious, floating adjectives?
This particular culture bomb was dropped by none other than Jools Lebron—a trans-femme creator who posted a video preaching the value of modest and respectable workplace presentation.
Her sassy, edifying video went viral, and within weeks countless other creators were copying her no-nonsense style to proclaim the value of everything from mental health to social etiquette.
But what is the real value of being “demure” in daily life?
Cutesy, Mindful, & Demure
Sure, it’s a pretty word, but what does it really mean? Synonyms for “demure” include such soft descriptors as:
“mild”
“reserved”
“modest”
“quiet.”
So why did the trend take off?
While Jools Lebron herself was highlighting the importance of professional, appropriate workplace attire, that’s not the only reason the video went viral. Her infectious, magnetic delivery aside, the word “demure” is enticing on its own. It’s a graceful, feminine adjective that many a classy woman would aspire to embody. But should they?
There’s something to be said for gracious, understated, and somewhat coy expressions of personal style. But femininity is more than the typical “ladylike” shrinking. After all, how can one make waves if they are constantly kowtowing?
The countless videos, posts, and memes that spawned from Jools Lebron’s original post often poke fun at the notion without diminishing the creator herself. Tongue-in-cheek uses of the “demure,” “mindful,” and “cutesy” language highlight the ways in which these words can describe feminine expectations, but also flip them on their head.
Avid creators have found ways to use Jools’ original video to provide commentary on everything from fine art…
… to relationship counseling.
The meme might be short-lived, but its popularity speaks to something that resonates with many of us. Such is the nature of internet trends.
The Contradictions of Femininity
Most of the videos, posts, and other viral content born from Jools Lebron’s original video are focused on female issues, expectations, and experiences. Women live every day of their lives within contradictory expectations. Be fabulous, but be proper. Be innovative, but be approachable. Be fierce and fiery, but not too loud.
Demure has its place in feminity. There is space for graciousness and modesty; there are absolutely spaces where less is more. But when it comes to self-expression, there is no need to turn the volume down.
Express yourself. Wear that bold eyeshadow. Yes, leopard print looks great on you!
Personal style is an area where women of all shapes and sizes should be uncompromising. There’s a time and a place for conservative, mindful, and demure dress, but it’s not every day.
See how I look very presentable? The way I came to the interview is the way I go to the job. A lot of you girls go to the interview looking like Marge Simpson and go to the job looking like Pattie and Selma. Not demure.
Jools Lebron
There’s something to be said for cultivating a strong, clean, professional persona. But who doesn’t want to harness a little bit of that Miranda Priestly, The Devil Wears Prada power? Anyone living life as a woman needs to be especially mindful of how they present themselves, especially when they want to be taken seriously. It’s the unfortunate reality of life in the feminine.
Present yourself as you want to be seen—make them take you seriously. But never shy away from that special spark that makes you unapologetically YOU.
After all, why be coy and quiet when you can make a splash? Perhaps Not So Demure is more your style, read on!
Words by the occasionally demure Bridget Kitson
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