Ask Lh: How to Be More Confident When You’ve Always Been Insecure

woman peeking through plants - how to be more confident

Question: How do I feel more confident when I’ve always been insecure?

Answer: Insecurity and confidence don’t mix. Before trying to learn how to be more confident, consider what’s making you feel insecure. If you have always felt insecure perhaps it could be attributed to your upbringing, or a negative relationship, or a need for validation that was never met. Whatever the reason, it’s imperative to pinpoint the source(s). Both insecurity and confidence have a common dominator and that is you. You must take ownership of your confidence, just like you have owned your insecurity.

woman's hand with a ring that says i am badass - how to be more confident - Photo by Brooke Lark / Unsplash
Photo by Brooke Lark / Unsplash

Insecurity can be a byproduct of negative circumstances, but it doesn’t have to be. You don’t have control over everything that comes at you in life, but you do have control over what gets in you. It’s like the difference between a sponge and a stone; one soaks up and retains everything and the other everything rolls off its surface. Make sure you’re not soaking up negativity that crosses your path so that it will not contaminate your spirit.

How high do you hold other’s opinions? How do you deal with criticism? How do you view your mistakes? The answers to these questions just may reveal where your security comes from or the lack thereof.

A great speaker once said, “If I live for the compliments of people, then I also have to die from their criticism.” So, what makes you feel insecure? Have you given people and/or circumstances the power to define you? I hope not. It is possible that your confidence is hidden behind the veil of a wrong definition. 


confident woman Photo by Sam Burriss / Unsplash
Photo by Sam Burriss / Unsplash

So, if you want to learn how to be more confident. First, find the source of your insecurity. Second, redefine yourself. Lastly, allow your confidence to blossom.

Words by Jada Ledbetter

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