After Divorce Super Power
No matter how your divorce goes, it still leaves an imprint, even if the separation was peaceful. A new life is opening up in front of you, and it can be a little scary. But the truth is that you have every opportunity and means to make yourself happy, and this is what you really deserve! So, get ready to embark on an exciting journey of empowering yourself and transforming into a Wonder Woman.
Strong Woman – Who is She?
“I feel terrible; divorce has killed me. I want to get rid of it. How can I get stronger?” I often hear this from my clients who have separated from their exes and do not understand how to continue living. Whatever feelings you have when divorcing is normal. And it’s good if you want to be strong and happy again. But before we start the main steps to a new life, it is worth figuring out who a strong woman is and what power she has.
First of all, this is a woman who loves, appreciates, and respects herself. She will not allow others to neglect her, violate her boundaries, or do anything that makes her feel bad. A strong woman is confident. She does not strive to be ideal, to deserve someone’s love, or to prove anything.
This type of woman takes responsibility for her life. She doesn’t expect anyone to solve her problems or make difficult decisions for her. She is the master of her destiny and the captain of her life. In such situations, I like to remember Cinderella as an example of how not to do it. This is a story about a girl who endures bullying from her stepmother all her life and is waiting for prince charming to save her. At the same time, a fairy godmother appears, who also solves some of Cinderella’s troubles.
Being strong does not mean enduring and sacrificing in silence. The power is to love yourself, love others, believe in your capabilities, and live your dream life. So Cinderella is the complete opposite of a strong woman. The girl is no longer a child, but she continues to allow her relatives to neglect her wishes and does nothing, absolutely nothing, to change it. A strong woman would have left long ago when she is not appreciated and respected.
How to Survive a Divorce and Become a Strong Woman
A strong woman is confident in herself. She knows exactly what she deserves, chases her goals, loves herself, and gives her love and kindness to the whole world. And now I will tell you in more detail how to achieve this after divorce.
Give Yourself Time To Cope With Trauma
They say that divorce is a little like death. And after a breakup, you need to go through all the stages of grief. At the same time, it is also worth noting that each person experiences divorce in their own way. We are all different and have different psychological responses, but divorce leaves its mark in any case.
It’s normal to feel emotionally depressed after a breakup. However, even if you don’t have depressing feelings, it’s better to give yourself some time to be alone and not rush to start a new romance.
So why is it good to lie in bed for a while and eat some ice cream? First, you need to allow your psyche to survive stress and adapt to new conditions. Secondly, when quickly entering into a new relationship after a divorce, you are likely to make all the same mistakes as you did with your ex-husband. This is an excellent time to focus on yourself and your desires and set goals for the future.
Don’t Put Yourself Into a Cage
After breaking up, many women decide to end the relationship for good. They close themselves off, dawn psychological armor, and do not allow anyone to know about their real feelings and experiences.
Do strong women do this? Not really. When a woman tries with all her might to escape reality and creates an impenetrable cage around herself, it is because of powerlessness and fear that she will be hurt again.
When a woman shields herself from others, it is called counterdependency. This is a clear demonstration on the part of a person that she does not need anyone, while deep down, she desperately desires a relationship.
Counterdependence is the flip side of codependency (when a person cannot imagine their life without a partner). Unfortunately, leaving one relationship, the scenario of counterdependency / codependency does not stop. A person subject to this type of thinking enters into new relationships very similar to the previous ones.
Can counter- or codependency be overcome? The simple answer is yes. But this will take time, patience, and a willingness to change. The modification process can be pretty painful, but you will move to a new, better quality of life as a result.
Counterdependent and codependent women are distinguished by the fact that they make their partner the main person, not themselves. So codependent women try to please their partner in every possible way, follow their hobbies, adopt their habits. Then, when their relationship collapses, they urgently look for another object to make the center of their lives, instead of studying themselves, their desires, talents, and needs.
After a divorce, counterdependent women can achieve success in certain areas of life. Still, they do this not for their development or to improve their standard of living but rather to prove to their ex what kind of diamond they have lost.
How to get out of this behavior pattern? The most important thing is to shift the focus to yourself. Let the spotlight shine on you. Explore your inner world, develop your talents and follow your dreams.
Healthy Self-Esteem is the Way to Success
The strength of a woman is in her love and kindness. And this love, first of all, should be directed to itself. Let’s be honest, the most crucial thing in our lives is ourselves. Yes, of course, there are also children, partners, and parents who also need our care and love. But if a woman doesn’t love herself, she cannot share her love with others. How can one give something to others if they don’t have enough of it?
Self-love forms adequate self-esteem, which later creates healthy relationships with other people. It is essential to understand that with adequate self-esteem, a person respects themselves and those around them. Unfortunately, when a woman puts herself above everyone else and considers herself better than others, this is a sign of insecurity. In such a selfish way, she tries to hide her complexes from others.
A woman with adequate self-esteem knows exactly what she wants, sets important goals, and quickly goes ahead. Such women are successful in all areas of life. To achieve it, you need to stop criticizing and berating yourself. No matter what happened in your life, darling, just stop it. Accept the fact that you have made certain actions that you are not proud of. But this is an experience that shows what you are capable of.
It is also crucial to notice your achievements, even the smallest ones, and praise yourself for them. Wow, you cooked dinner today; you are awesome! Oh my God, you finally finished this complicated project; it’s just wonderful!
The more often a woman praises herself for what she has done (even if it is something relatively insignificant in her opinion), the more she will begin to believe in herself. It is also essential to pay attention to your health and well-being. Finally, don’t forget to keep an eye on your appearance. Nice outfit, sexy underwear, and neatly styled hair add some tremendous self-confidence!
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Focus on Your Growth
In 2010, Eva Longoria divorced Tony Parker after he cheated on her. The actress plunged into work. As a part of Desperate Housewives, Eva Longoria superbly played the never-discouraged Gabrielle Solis, who conquered the hearts of many viewers. Also, in the same year, Eva received the NOBEL Prize for her charity work.
Now, Eva Longoria is a beloved wife, an excellent mother, a successful businesswoman, and an activist. This is an inspiring example of a strong woman who survived an unpleasant divorce. So why waste time on scandals, showdowns, deception, and manipulation, if you can spend this time on your development?
After divorce, many women prefer to pursue their careers and develop their professional skills. And that’s a great idea! A career will help you assert yourself, believe in yourself, and gain financial independence.
If you don’t have an investment plan or haven’t opened your 401k account, it’s time to take care of it. A strong woman is financially independent and does not need to ask anyone to give her money for her needs and desires.
The post-divorce period is well suited to gain new knowledge, get additional education, or even change activities. In any case, self-development is something that will definitely bring benefits.
Become Your Fairy Godmother
Honey, don’t be like Cinderella. Do not wait for someone to fulfill your desires. Start your magical life right now! If you’ve been dreaming about something, it’s time to start making it a reality. Quite often, we suppress our emotions and needs. This is especially true for women who already have children. Many of them put the needs of their children above their own, pushing their persona into the background.
When a person suppresses themselves and their desires for a long time, it has serious consequences. Stress, depression, neurosis, burnout – all this can be a consequence of suppressing one’s own needs.
Therefore, a strong woman, first of all, takes care of herself. After a divorce, you need vivid emotions and impressions like never before. Focusing on your needs is the best way to get them. Start with something small. For example, you’ve always wanted to learn how to dance the Argentine tango, so take a lesson.
Why is it so important to fulfill your desires? Our psyche works in such a way that it quickly gets used to certain conditions. When you bring something new into your life that you like, you will subconsciously want to re-experience these emotions, and the brain will seek to build steps towards this realization. Simply put, the more you fulfill your desires (even small ones), the easier and more enjoyable your life is.
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Asking for Help is a Brave Thing
There is a stereotype that strong people never cry, complain or wait for help. But the real power is to admit that you need help and that you do not have to drag the whole world on your shoulders.
After divorce, women experience some emotional and material difficulties. When you feel like you’re on edge, let your loved ones help you. Asking for help is not at all a sign of weakness. On the contrary, this is evidence that you adequately assess your strength. In the end, we are all just people, not titans, and we also need the support of loved ones.
If you are tired of the children, ask your parents to watch them so you can free up some time for yourself. If you’re emotionally burned out at work, don’t be afraid to talk to your boss or HR department. Call your girlfriends and just talk about your feelings if you need to.
Divorce can trigger depression. If you feel that you are upset, you have no strength, or you do not want anything at all, this is a sign that you need professional help. Psychotherapy will help you get through this difficult period in your life and find a path to your happiness.
Many women feel resentment towards their ex or anger with themselves for not saving the marriage. These are destructive feelings that are emotionally draining and exhausting. The real power is to forgive yourself and your ex so you can start a new, bright chapter in your life. And psychotherapy can also help significantly in this.
A strong woman chooses her path. She goes where she feels good, leaves when she is not appreciated, and refuses toxic relationships. No matter what led to your divorce, let go of the past and open yourself up to the many bright and happy moments ahead. Enjoy yourself and live in the here and now because you deserve only the best!
About the Author
Natalie Maximets is a certified life transformation coach at OnlineDivorce.com. She has expertise in mindfulness and sustainability. She is a published author focused on the most progressive solutions in the field of psychology. Natalie helps people go through fundamental life challenges, such as divorce, and build an entirely new life by reframing their personal narrative.